Meditation Myths Exposed

Myth #1: You can control what you think (and feel).

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

When I ask people why they want to learn to meditate there are surprisingly few answers. Some are hoping meditation will help them to sleep better. Others might be hoping to learn how to focus, to do whatever it is they do more efficiently. There's usually a couple who want to manage their anxiety or improve their health. The vast majority however, are hoping they'll learn how to live a less stressful life.

In all the cases above what people are really searching for is a way to escape from the tyranny of their own minds. A way to change, avoid or banish entirely the typical barrage of unwanted thoughts, sensations and feelings that so often assail us.

Unfortunately though, this desire to escape is the very cause of the stress we seek to avoid.

For example, you sit down to meditate, hoping to clear the mind of some disturbing thought or image, or just to switch off from the sheer volume of thoughts careening through your mind. A particularly negative thought pops into your head and you try to focus more diligently on the breath, hoping the thought will go away. Such an action reinforces the belief that thoughts are disturbing; almost as though they can't be trusted. And of course, the negative thought doesn't conform to our wishes. Each time we push it out of our mind it seems to come back with renewed strength. We feel bad enough on account of the negative thought; but through this strategy our pain is compounded because we now feel incapable of controlling our thoughts.

The idea that we can somehow banish negativity, push thoughts aside and rest in a state of pure or empty awareness is a common one, perpetuated by many well meaning gurus of the spiritual and personal development worlds. But it's also an impossibility. Our minds are designed to think, and have evolved to be particularly efficient at thinking of all the possible negative things that could happen to us at any given moment. This is a very useful survival strategy — ensuring that we are prepared for any eventuality, anything that might threaten our existence.

This might seem like bad news. We recognise that our thoughts contribute to our stress — but we're now told that we can't avoid thinking. What do we do?

The solution lies not so much in clearing our minds (though this can help temporarily), but in establishing a different kind of relationship with our thoughts.

For many of us, the problem is that our thoughts are our masters, and being good little servants, we obey the dictates of our thoughts unquestioningly. For example, when a thought pops into your mind, you have many options. As a servant however, your responses to thoughts tend to be limited. You either:

Through meditation, the potential exists for you to learn how to take these directives from the mind less seriously. Instead of letting thoughts boss you around as a master might a servant or slave, you learn to recognise your standing as equals. This means that you can:

In other words, you listen to thoughts as though they are coming not from some almighty ruler of your life, but from some well meaning, but often misguided friend. You take them with a grain of salt.

The more relaxed we are physically, the more likely it is that we'll relate to our thoughts in this second manner. You've probably noticed that when you're very calm, relaxed or happy, troubles may seem less threatening. This is because in such moments you're seeing things much more clearly. Your thoughts aren't being distorted by the filter of anxiety, tension, stress or other punishing emotions.

The trick, and the challenge, when you meditate, is to maintain this clear seeing view regardless of what's happening within and around you. Can you remember to keep an attitude of openness and curiosity, not believing your thoughts to be gospel, but simply seeing them as words, floating through mental space. With practice, you may recognise that these thoughts require interpreting if they are to manifest as stress. If you let go of the need to interpret every passing thought, you'll find their power to control you gradually diminishes.